Mom’s Birthday

Yesterday was my mom’s 80th birthday. Of course, we didn’t celebrate it with her because she resides in heaven now. But I’m sure that she and Dad had a marvelous celebration along with the rest of the family and friends who are living there now.

I miss my mom more than I thought I would when she was still alive. She and I had a bit of a difficult relationship and it was very stressful. I always thought, when she and dad were both alive, that I would miss Dad more than I would miss Mom when they were gone. But I think that I almost miss Mom more.

Sure, I miss talking to my dad and asking his advice and hearing his stories. It was always comforting to me that I had him to go to when times were rough and I always loved that it was easy for me to make him laugh. He and I had really great conversations and I miss that.

But I find myself wishing I could talk to Mom more and more. Partly to ask her for her recipes, which she mostly had in her head but also on scraps of paper in a zip lock bag. But also I would love to be able to tell her that I miss her and that I understand the pain she suffered from since I also now have full blown arthritis. And, a big part of the missing is that I always hoped that she and I would have a better relationship. That she would have been a better mother. Now that she is gone, that hope is gone. Of course, someday I will see her in heaven and we will get everything sorted out. But, until then, I miss her.

Here is a picture of her from when she was in her twenties. I have seen this picture all my life since it sat on my dad’s dresser but I just noticed that the cross she is wearing is the same one I wear on almost a daily basis. My sister and I found two crosses in her jewelry drawer after she died and Amy (my sister) took the gold one and I took the silver one. I never thought she had actually worn it since she was more into bracelets and earrings but I guess she did. At least for this picture.

Happy 80th Birthday, Mom!!  I’m glad you are safe and at peace.