Holding my tongue…

There are people in this world who blurt out anything that passes through their minds. If they think it, they say it. This can lead to awkward moments, embarrassment for both the speaker and the listener(s) and hurt feelings.

I learned early in life to hold my tongue. It isn’t necessary to comment on everything or to really say what is on my mind. It’s not just a matter of sparing feelings or not disillusioning someone but also it is not sharing information that should be kept confidential, or at least private.

I started thinking about this when I was thinking about the Friday of the Synod Assembly. Since we weren’t sitting with our own church people or even with people from the same state, they had us do a little exercise as a “getting to know you” type of thing. They had us think of who our hero was when we were growing up. Could be a superhero or an actual person. They kind of emphasized the superhero aspect so that is what we were trying to think about. I said that I liked Superman just because Christopher Reeves was so incredibly good looking. Someone else said Wonder Woman, some people mentioned family members that they admired and respected, etc.

After we shared around our tables, the leader had us shout out for the whole assembly some of the superheroes we had been discussing. I yelled out “Superman”, other’s yelled out their favorites, and then, from the back of the hall, someone yelled out “Barack Obama!”. At this, the woman sitting next to me got a disgusted look on her face and went “humph”. Clearly she isn’t a fan of the President.

Now I love President Obama. I voted for him in the last election and will vote for him in the next. I think he is SOOOO much better than our last president and is doing a good job straightening the country out. Yes, things could be going better but he is trying to fix eight years of poor decision making and that will take time.

So did I say anything when this woman became disgusted at the mention of his name? No. I held my tongue. I figured that her mind wouldn’t be changed by anything I could say at that moment and it would have just created animosity at the table. Split the table along political lines. No need to do that so I just kept quiet.

I did e-mail my brother from the table (there was Wi-Fi in the hall) and he had all kinds of interesting comments I could have made. Did I take his suggestion and use them? No. Really truly would not have been worth the trouble it would have caused. There is a time and place for political discussions and that wasn’t the time and place.

The other incident that happened at the Assembly where I kept quiet was when we were still discussing people we admire and the same woman said that she loves Joyce Meyer.

For those who don’t know, Joyce Meyer is a televangelist who specializes in ministering to women. I used to watch her all the time. She is straight forward, funny and can be enlightening. It always bothered me, when I did watch her show and had a certain admiration for her, that she seemed to emphasize donations. She kept asking for money and said that if people would bless her ministry, God would bless them. Ms. Meyer even had people testify about how they gave money to support her ministry and God gave them a new house, or car or a better job, etc. But I figured she must be doing good with the money, like helping people, donating it to charity, or doing other things to pass the money on to those who needed it.

Then one day I turned on her show and noticed that she had had a full face lift. She looked completely different. This bugged me. Is this how she was spending the money that people were sending in to her ministry? On vanity? Did Mother Teresa ever have face lift? No. She never even wore make-up. Then I started noticing that Joyce Meyer always wore a different dress every time I saw her show. Never wore the same thing twice. Just how big a wardrobe did she have? And they weren’t simple dresses. She was always completely decked out with an impeccable suit, high heels, nails done, make-up perfect and hair just so. She seemed to be more interested in how she looked than on making the world a better place.

Then I saw a news report on televangelists and they profiled a number of them including Joyce Meyer. They said that she and her family lived in a compound of very expensive homes near her ministry headquarters. Four or five large mansions in a gated compound.

That did it for me. I quit watching her show or buying her books. I was completely turned off by her greed, vanity and selfishness. Her ministry was not about blessing God but blessing Joyce.

Getting back to the Assembly…when the woman who doesn’t like the President said that she admired Joyce Meyer and was even going to her women’s convention in a couple of months, did I tell her my opinion of Joyce Meyer? Did I mention that face lift, fancy clothes, and expensive houses? No. I held my tongue. I didn’t see any reason to cause this woman to be disillusioned about someone she clearly looked up to. It would have crushed her, caused animosity at the table and would have cast a pall over the Assembly, at least at our table.

Yes, I wasn’t really sharing with everyone my true opinions. I wasn’t letting them know that I was a liberal, Democrat voting, televangelist disliking individual. By my silence, I implied that I agreed with this woman’s opinions.

Was this wrong? I don’t think so. I don’t think it is necessary to have everyone know everything about me. Granted I do write this blog that is chock full of my opinions and beliefs. But even here I don’t share everything about my life. I don’t mention the town I live in, what I do for a living, or even post a picture of myself. I just think that privacy is important and safer. It isn’t necessary to have every aspect of my life out there on the internet for anyone in the world to see.

And it isn’t necessary, when sitting with people who I just met, to blurt out all my opinions, beliefs, fears, anxieties, joys, sorrows, struggles or triumphs. I know some people do this, and some people at the table did do this. But that is not me. I prefer to be a little more discreet and hold my tongue. In my opinion, it is the wiser course of action.