Observations

Last night my brother, Ted, took me out to dinner for my birthday. My birthday isn’t until Monday but, since he is my brother, going out on that day would just be weird.

We tried a new restaurant in New Hampshire that one of my brother’s customers had mentioned to him. The food was good. Not great but good. Ted had the steak tips and I had the sirloin steak. I wanted prime rib but the beef that had been delivered didn’t meet the cook’s standards so they had to send it back. That gave me hope for the restaurant. Any place that is that finicky about their food has potential to be a really good place to eat.

After dinner, Ted went to use the restroom and I was looking at the pictures of the old movie stars that they had on the walls. One of the women who worked there (I don’t think it was the owner but maybe the hostess?) asked me which picture I liked the best. I said it was Robert Redford all the way. The picture looked like it was from “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid” and he was really cute back then. Not to say that he is that bad looking now but he was really cute then.

Anyway, the woman who was talking to me agreed with me. That was her favorite picture as well. She then said that she and the waitresses had been watching us have our dinner and they really enjoyed how much fun we were having and how well we got along. They had been speculating whether or not we were married and decided that we were getting along too well to be married. So then they were trying to decide if we were on a blind date or a first date or something like that but they thought we knew each other too well for that. So they couldn’t quite figure it out.

I explained that he is my brother and this was my birthday dinner. That cleared it up for her (and the other waitresses). She said that it looked like we had a really good time and were really funny. By this time, Ted had come back and he heard that part. We mentioned that at least we didn’t attract as much attention as we normally do when we are out to dinner. Sometimes we get to laughing so hard we distract the other diners. We were a little more controlled last night…although not by much.

I mention this whole exchange because I wonder how much people talk about other people. I know that I observe other people and mention things to those I am with such as “look at that father – must be his weekend with the kids” or “that couple look like they have been married forever” and things like that. I don’t think there is any harm to these observations as long as people don’t descend into mocking or making fun of other people. I could go on and on about how painful, childish and cruel these kind (mocking and making fun) of observations can be but I think that is blatantly obvious. It just didn’t really occur to me until today that the observations that I make about others are the same kind of observations that others make about me. Other people watch what I do and try to figure out who I am or try to speculate as to my story.

Thinking about this could drive me crazy. After all, I would hope that people would only think kind thoughts about me but I have no way of knowing this and no way of controlling this. I am who I am and people will draw their own conclusions based not only what they see but will allow their own experiences to influence their opinion.

I suppose the only thing I can do is to keep this in mind the next time I am drawing my own conclusions about someone. I really don’t know them, I don’t know their history and I don’t know their story. I do no they are fellow human beings and need to be treated with respect and dignity. And that is about all that I know about anyone.