Diplomacy

Have you ever thought what would happen if we could read each other’s minds? What kind of chaos would ensue? What kind of relationships would be lost or damaged because people would really find out what people thought about them?

I was thinking about that this week when I was being lectured by someone (and, no, it isn’t who you think it is…it is someone else).  It was one of those moments when speaking up and defending myself would just make things worse.  So I stood there and nodded and hope the person would be done soon.  But if that person could read my mind, they would have been shocked and I would have gotten in BIG trouble.  Lucky for me, they couldn’t read my mind, my face was neutral and they thought they were getting through to me and convincing me they were right.  I didn’t think they were right but was simply being diplomatic.

Diplomacy is a strange thing.  It is a necessary thing in civilized society.  We have to be diplomatic and polite in dealing with people otherwise you can come across as a jackass and people won’t want to deal with you.  But I wonder what is really going through people’s minds when they are being diplomatic.  When Hillary Clinton is standing next to an official from another country and posing for pictures is she thinking that she really likes the person and is looking forward to their meeting or is she thinking that her feet hurt, she would like to sit down and where is the hand sanitizer because that person’s hand was wet and clammy and she would really like to clean that feeling off her hand?  When President Obama is dealing with a group of reporters and answering questions that are just irritating and a repeat of questions he answered the week before thinking that he has to get his point across to the American people by saying the right thing or is he thinking how much he would love to say…. well, let’s just say “expletive deleted”?  When Queen Elizabeth and the Pope were standing next to each other today was she thinking that she would rather be sitting with her shoes off, drinking a cup of tea and looking out the window at the scenery on her Scotland estate and was he thinking that he would love it if he didn’t have to wear the white robe because it is such a pain to try to keep clean and would like to sit in a comfortable chair in a bathrobe with his feet up and drinking a beer?  (Actually, here’s a picture: the queen and the pope sitting in a couch in comfortable clothes, like tracksuits, and drinking some beer.  THAT would probably make both of them happy – and would make a great picture!).

I know that we have to be diplomatic in life and smile when we don’t want to, keep our true opinions to ourselves when they would just make things worse, and put up with people who you would rather stay pretty far away from (and no, I’m still not talking about that person).  But wouldn’t it be interesting if we didn’t have to do that?  If we could read each other’s minds and be completely open?  On Star Trek TNG (The Next Generation), there was a character from the planet Betazed whose inhabitants were telepathic.  Nothing was hidden.  Wouldn’t that be a unique way of living?  If EVERYONE could read each other’s minds and that is the norm of society? Then there was an episode of the show where the captain and the doctor were implanted with a devise on an alien planet that enabled them to read each other’s minds.  They found out things that they didn’t know such as the captain always pronounces with authority what they should do but he really doesn’t have a clue if it is the right course of action or not.  Or that he had a major crush on the doctor at one time but never acted on it.  Can you imagine if all the secret crushes in your life knew about it?  It would certainly make romantic relationships far more entangled.

I guess I started thinking about this because I kind of became defensive this week when talking to someone when I should have just paused for a moment and thought of a more proper way to express my opinion.  But, in the heat of the moment, I tried to get my point across and ended up appearing defensive and weak in my argument.  So I had to calm down, listen with a passive face and realize that I brought this on myself and need to be more diplomatic.

I am getting better about the whole defensive thing.  I used to be much worse about it but have learned during the years how to express my opinion so that I am diplomatic, kind and dignified.  Obviously I still don’t have a complete handle on it but I am MUCH better about it.  I guess the art of diplomacy is a lifetime lesson that I will have to keep practicing.  Until I am really old and people will excuse my opinionated undiplomatic behavior as the result of old age and, thus, being grumpy.  There’s something to look forward to…. being a crotchety old lady.  Won’t that just be fun????

Final thought – I heard a definition of diplomacy once.  It goes like this –

Diplomacy: the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.