Out of Context

Have you ever seen someone you know but where you are seeing them is not where you normally see them and you don’t quite recognize them? This just happened to me.

I went to the gym this morning to walk the treadmill and, as I put my keys on the little hooks they provide, I looked up and sort of recognized the older couple sitting at the tables. The woman smiled at me and said “Hi” and I smiled and said “good morning” but I didn’t quite place her. Granted it was 6:00 in the morning and I had just woke up and was having problems just focusing let alone recognize anyone. She clearly seemed to know me but, for the few seconds I was standing there, my brain was telling me that I just couldn’t quite place her and maybe she just looks like someone I know and I really don’t know her at all. So I just smiled at her and her husband (who didn’t seem all that happy to be there and wasn’t smiling at anyone) and went over to the treadmills.

As I was walking along, I looked over at the couple occasionally as they met with the gym’s personal trainer and I realized that I did know them. They are new members at my church. I’m not quite sure of their names but I can look that up later. But I definitely do know who they are.

In thinking about this encounter, I don’t think that it was because of the early hour that I couldn’t place them. I think it was because I was seeing them out of context. I had never met them outside the church setting before. If I had seen them at church, I would have known them and probably have a small conversation with them. But, because I was seeing them outside the context of where I normally see them, I couldn’t quite place them.

It’s like when you are a kid and you see your teacher at the grocery store. It is the oddest feeling. Seeing someone who you only associate with the classroom buying oranges and browsing the cereal aisle. Heaven forbid you see them buying something more personal like tampons or toilet paper. Eeek!!

Somehow it feels odd to see people in a different context. And, for me at least, it is hard to re-focus and figure out who that person may be. After all, there are people who look alike in this world. There can be only so many variations of two eyes, a nose, a mouth, ears and hair. There has to be duplicates.

For example, my Uncle Gilbert looked EXACTLY like the violinist Isaac Stern. So much so that the first time I saw Isaac Stern on TV playing the violin, I thought to myself “why is Uncle Gilbert on TV and I didn’t know he played the violin!”. Then they announced his name and I found out that Uncle Gilbert had a twin, or at least someone who looked exactly like him.

Another example happened to a friend I had a long time ago. We were roommates when I was in The Netherlands in college. After the year ended, I was back home at my parents house that summer and I received a letter from Melanie (my former roommate). She said that she had been in Washington, D.C. and saw someone who looked like me. She went up to this woman and said “Julie, it’s so good to see you! What are you doing here?”. The woman looked at Melanie like she had two heads and said her name wasn’t Julie. Melanie apologized and was all embarrassed. She then wrote to tell me about the encounter and to let me know that I had a twin living in Washington. Interesting. I wonder if that woman now dyes her hair red like me??? Hmmm…

Putting aside the idea of people looking alike, an example, and one a little more awkward, of seeing someone out of context happened to me in a grocery store years ago. It was about two weeks after I had minor surgery but the kind of surgery where they knock you out completely. This woman came up to me and asked me how I was doing. I smiled and said I was doing good. She then said that she was happy I was feeling better and then proceeded to say a few more things. I would tell you what she said but the whole time she is talking I was thinking “who is this woman? where do I know her from? she seems to know me, why don’t I know her?”.  I kept trying to place her in context. Was it from church? No, don’t think so. From a former job? No, don’t think so. From some social setting? No, I don’t think so. For the life of me I couldn’t place how I knew her. Finally, after a few minutes of chit chat, she smiled and wished me well and went back to her grocery shopping. And to this day, I have no idea how I know her. The awkward thing is that it could be she was one of the nurses who attended me during my surgery and we may have had a full conversation then but, since I was drugged up, I have no memory of her or the conversation. So she knows me but I don’t know her. Plus, she has probably seen more of me than I am comfortable even thinking about. Again, EEK!

In thinking about this whole “out of context” concept, I wonder how famous people handle it. After all, so many people know who they are but they don’t know everyone. How do they handle people coming up and talking to them and acting like they know them? Do they try to place them into context or assume they are just a huge fan? It must be embarrassing for them to find out that someone who they think is a huge fan is in reality a cousin or old friend and they just haven’t seen them in a while. That would be awkward…although not as awkward as the whole nurse/surgery thing.

Getting back to the couple at the gym, if I see them tomorrow morning, I will greet them by name and wish them a good morning. If they mention this morning, I will apologize and attribute it to my fuzzy morning brain.  At least I finally did recognize them. There is always a strong possibility that I may not have since I make announcements at the church services sometimes and so people know who I am by name but I don’t necessarily know them by name. That is when, after having a conversation with someone I don’t know who knows my name, I discreetly ask around to find out who they are so I can call them by name the next time I see them. The idea is to do that so they can’t overhear me. Kind of hard to do sometimes but necessary in order to remain friendly and welcoming.

Maybe someday I can wear glasses that will have some kind of computer that will give me a bio of people I meet that I know. Then I can not only greet people by name but also inquire about their grandchildren or how their rose garden is blooming. Won’t that just be a handy thing to own???