Single Disadvantages

My brother and I were having a discussion Sunday night about going to parties as a single person. I pointed out to him that it would be much better to have a husband to go with because, if I didn’t know anyone at the party or the party was really lame, I could have my husband fake a headache or stomachache and we could leave. My brother thought that was blatantly obvious. After I said yes it was I said that it would be handy for me to have a husband to go to places with such as the Common Ground Fair, Lobster Festival, Old Port Festival or to parties. Yeah, I can go to those places as a single person but I need to round up friends to go with me whereas if I had a husband, I could just ask him and he, because he loves and adores me, would willingly go.

So that lead the discussion to a want ad I could place for a husband. Not the usual thing but really honest qualities. Such as:

SF seeks a SM between 30 and 49 who likes good cooking, great conversation, going to interesting places willingly without nagging or arguing. Would be willing to fake a headache or stomach ache to leave a lame party. Will hold my hair back when I puke and take me to the ER when necessary. Must own a sailboat. Please send picture of sailboat.

Yeah, that’s it. Honest, straightforward and to the point. I could have mentioned long walks on the beach, watching sunsets together, someone who loves kids and animals and with a great sense of humor. But everyone does that and, besides, the “holding my hair back” is just being truthful. I mean, who doesn’t want that in a husband????