The Reunion

As I have mentioned before, my oldest friend and I have known each other since she was born.  To protect her privacy, let’s just call her Mary.  Mary’s dad and my dad were best friends for years. They were in each other’s weddings and ended up having kids at the same time. I was born in February and, nine months later, in November, Mary was born. Then, a few years later, our baby brothers were born so they ended up being the same age.

Needless to say, Mary and I have been friends since infancy.  My dad is even her godfather, which makes us godsisters.  But, since we always referred to each other’s parents as aunt and uncle, we actually have always considered each other cousins.

We grew up together in the Detroit area and, even though we lived a distance away from each other, we spent a great deal of time together on weekends and during the summers.  We had bike rides, slumber parties, baked cookies, sang together, played with Barbies and did all the other fun stuff kids do in the process of growing up.

When I was 15, my parents moved the family to Nebraska. This was before the days of the Internet so there wasn’t any e-mail or Facebook available to keep in touch.  We tried to write letters back and forth but, with the busyness of being teenagers, we eventually lost touch.

As the years went by, I thought about Mary.  I wondered how she was, did she go to college, what her major was if she did go to college, did she fall in love, get married, have kids, etc.  I always knew she was out there somewhere but I wasn’t sure how to reach her or even if she would have wanted me to try to reach her.

My mom died in September 2006.  Mary’s mom read the obituary in the Detroit newspaper.  She called Mary up to tell her that her Aunt Eva had died. Mary e-mailed the funeral home to offer her condolences; I e-mailed her back to thank her. She e-mailed me back, we “friended” each other on Facebook, talked on the phone and, thus, a friendship was revived!

Fast-forward four years.  Mary and I have kept in touch and had talked about getting together for a visit.  But, between her busy life and my busy life, we just never managed to get that done.  When my brother surprised me a month or so ago and suggested that we go to Washington DC for the Jon Stewart rally, I said that if we go all that way, we ought to have dinner with Mary and her husband.  He thought that would be a great idea.  I e-mailed her to ask if we could have dinner with them while we were in the area and she invited us to stay at their house.  She said that her husband and oldest son were planning on going to the rally and it would be great if we just stayed with them and we all went to the rally together.

Keep in mind that, even though we had grown up together, it had been decades since we saw each other.  Decades where she had life experiences and I had life experiences that helped develop us into the people we are today.  It is a known fact that people can be friends for years and then can grow apart.  For that matter, people can be married for years and then grow apart.  What is the likelihood that two people who didn’t know each other for years would have anything in common even though they were the best of friends and even “family” when they were growing up?

I kept thinking about this as the date of the reunion grew closer. Sure we had e-mailed and talked on the phone but that is entirely different from staying in someone’s house.  What if, after all this time, we really had nothing to talk about? What if, after all this time, we just irritated each other? What if, after all this time, we had nothing in common, nothing to say and the friendship just couldn’t be fully revived?

Well…there was nothing to fear.  We arrived at the airport, Mary and I talked on our cell phones so she would know where she could pick us up, and we were on the phone when I saw her car pulling up.  She parked, jumped out and came around the vehicle and gave me a big hug and started crying.  I hugged her back and was so relieved.  Everything was going to be just fine.

After all the hugs, we climbed in the car (before security got after us for loitering), and headed out of the airport to pick her son up at his school.

As we drove along, Mary and I started talking.  And talked and talked and talked.  It was like when we were kids.  The conversation flowed easily from one subject to the next. From that point and for the whole weekend, we never ran out of things to talk about.

What did we discover about each other? We have so many of the same interests.  We both love to travel and were actually in Europe within months of each other when we were in college. We collect cookbooks and love to cook. We love crafts. We love to read. We love history and had a great time researching things on Ancestory.com.  We discovered that we have just as much in common as we did when we were kids.  Time and distance may have separated us but we still are friends and “cousins” and “sisters”, in every way.

Anyone who is adopted or has adopted knows that biology does not make a family. Family is made up of people who love each other and care about each other.  People brought together either through friendship, circumstances or a myriad of other reasons can combine to become a family. In thinking about it, actually families formed through reasons other than biology may be stronger just because they don’t have biology holding them together. It is easy to call other people family members when you have blood ties holding everyone together. But to come together because of friendship, shared memories and common interests takes a little more thought, awareness and effort.

Mary and I aren’t related by blood.  We don’t have biology to bring us together. But we do have a childhood of memories, many shared interests and a genuine love for each other. We feel like we are related to each other even though we have separate family trees. Although if we go back far enough, maybe we will find a common ancestor. Maybe a long time ago, two people fell in love, had children and those children went their separate ways developing branches of a family tree that extends to what looks like two separate trees but really is of the same root. Then again, maybe we just have a deep, abiding friendship that time couldn’t destroy.

Either way, related or not, Mary and I are friends and family.  And the great thing is, I have a new nephew.  Her sweet little boy calls me Aunt Juliane. Since I LOVE being an aunt, having another child call me “Aunt” just makes me so happy.

Between the rally and the reunion, this past weekend was just wonderful. There was just one minor glitch.  And that story will come tomorrow…