Forgiveness

One of the most difficult things we are ever called upon to do is to forgive someone.  Actually, it is easy when the person who has wronged you sincerely says they are sorry and feels bad about what they did. Then we can be quick to forgive them and to let go of the hurt and anger.

It is exceedingly difficult to forgive someone when they aren’t truly sorry, you know they will continue to hurt you or other people and that they don’t care whether or not you forgive them and probably don’t care how you feel about the situation at all.

In my pastor’s sermon on Sunday, he said that Jesus says that if our brother (meaning anyone) wrongs us seven times, we are to forgive them seven times. To which I asked Pastor after church, if they have wronged me an eighth time, could I clock them one???  He smiled and said no.

Actually, Jesus also says that we are to forgive people seventy times seven.  Meaning we are always supposed to forgive and not hold grudges or hate people.  But that is so very hard to do.  It is so hard to let go of hurt and anger especially when the person gives a flip “I’m sorry” and expects everything to be ok.  I have said in a previous posting that people flippantly saying “I’m sorry” really ticks me off.  They don’t mean it and they are just saying it because they think it is a magic phrase that is supposed to make things better.

So what are we supposed to do?  I know what the Bible says and I know what my pastor says.  But if a person is continually doing something wrong over and over even when asked nicely not to do it, doesn’t there come a point when the only thing that will work is to get in their face and tell them to “shut the F*** up and stop being such a controlling B****!!!”?  To do that, though, is to sin and not behaving as Christ would want us to behave.  HE would never say that.  HE would never lose His temper in such a vile manner.  Granted He did lose His temper when He turned over the tables in the temple and brandished a whip.  But that was righteous anger.  Not hateful, spiteful, “get in your face” kind of anger.

I have been sitting here and thinking about it and re-reading what I just wrote.  What came to me is that just because you forgive someone does not mean you need to tolerate their misbehaving.  The best thing to do is to try to never have to deal with that person.  Cut them off.  In a nice way but firmly.  It isn’t holding a grudge to not want to talk to someone or work with him or her.  It is simply forgiving and moving on. Maybe if enough people do that, the person will get the message and start behaving better.  Or they will just sit in a corner and feel sorry for themselves and wonder why no one wants to be around them.  The sad thing is that most people who are rude, insensitive, egotistical and all around unpleasant will do the latter and never get the message that their behavior drives people away.

This brings to mind a distant relative who always talks as if the weight of the world is on her shoulders.  She controlled the people around her…her husband, her kids, her extended family…her whole life and now no one really wants to spend time with her unless they have to because of a holiday or birthday.  So she feels sorry for herself and really doesn’t understand why people aren’t dying to be with her.  After all, she knows how people should be and what they should do and they should just listen to her and obey her. Since they don’t, and try to avoid her, she mopes around and is sad. Unfortunately, she will never learn and never get the message that she needs to apologize, sincerely ask for forgiveness and change her behavior.

I do think I learned a couple of valuable lessons this week around forgiveness and dealing with people.  First of all, it is ok to walk away from bad situations because you can’t change people’s behavior, only your own. Secondly, despite the primal urge to do otherwise, clocking someone in the head is not a viable option.  You may think that will make you feel better but it really won’t.  And there is a good possibility you would hurt yourself in the process and why risk that??