To guilt or not to guilt?

I was born Lutheran. Meaning, my parents were Lutheran and, therefore, I have been a Lutheran since the day I was born. Probably before that as well but we tend not to assign a religion to someone until they are born. Not sure why that is…

Anyway, being as I was born Lutheran, I was also born guilty. Not that I did anything wrong to feel guilty about when I was born but Lutherans are bred to feel a certain level of guilt in life. I know that Catholics or Jews feel they have the corner on guilt but Lutherans are right up there with them.

Yes, I know that I am justified through faith. I know that I am forgiven not by anything I have done but because Christ died for me. But I was raised to feel guilty for so many things.

Most of this guilt was instilled by my mother. She was raised Missouri Synod Lutheran (one of the more guilty segments of Lutheran society) whereas my dad only became a Lutheran because it was the church closest to his house. He could have easily have become any other Protestant denomination.

But my mother, being a good Missouri Synod Lutheran, believed that the law in the Bible was more important than the love that was written. Didn’t matter if it was Old or New Testament Law. In her mind, the law superseded anything else and, if we didn’t abide by the law, well…we were in deep trouble!

Years ago, when I was in my 20’s, I left the Lutheran church and tried to find a church that wasn’t so judgmental and strict. I tried a Baptist church and enjoyed that but had a few problems with the lack of sacraments. I tried non-denominational churches and, again, had a few problems with the lack of sacraments.

I loved the style of services with these churches. The praise and worship portion was wonderful. Singing while standing and clapping hands and swaying to the music filled my spirit. The sermons were always powerful and gave me much to think about. And there was a tremendous lack of guilt. Even to the point of it not even being mentioned. What a unique concept!

But I couldn’t get passed the idea that baptism and communion were not treated with more seriousness. I was raised that they were sacraments instituted by God. Not some symbolic gesture to remember.

After years of wandering from one church to the next and, more often than not, avoiding church altogether, I found my current church. An ELCA (Evangelical Lutheran Church of America) church. It is more open minded, it is more liberal, and it is more casual than the Lutheran church I attended as a child. It has liturgical services but there isn’t an emphasis on guilt. We still study the law but we also emphasize acceptance and love.

Why am I explaining all of this? I am feeling guilty.

Why am I feeling guilty? Because I am unemployed and having to rely on the kindness of others in order to live my life. So part of me feels like I need to be super responsible not to waste money or spend it frivolously.

Not that I am. I tend to be a pretty responsible person when it comes to spending money. I’m not necessarily frugal but I try to make purchases wisely and with much care and thought. I have developed better and better spending habits the longer I have been unemployed. So, at this point, I feel like I am truly responsible with the resources I have been given.

Yet, I still feel guilty. I wish I had been raised in a faith that didn’t have such an emphasis on guilt. I wish I had been raised without being taught that sin is ever present but instead being taught that Love is ever present. It certainly would relieve much of the anxiety in my life.

To guilt or not to guilt? That certainly is a big question but I think the answer is not to guilt. To let go of the guilt. After all, it isn’t helping me and probably is harming me. Letting it go is best all the way around.

Not to guilt. That is certainly the answer.