Thoughts Like Grapes

The first blessing want to take note of is this:

I had a dental appointment this past Thursday. I had my teeth cleaned a month or so ago and it was a bad appointment. Not only was it painful but the hygienist argued with me about getting x-rays. Even though I explained to her that I was unemployed and can’t afford the $95 for the x-rays, she kept insisting and then, when I was in the middle of explaining it to her, she interrupted me and called for a form for me to sign stating that I was refusing the x-rays (the form never did show up – apparently they couldn’t find it). She then proceeded to give me a cleaning that was the worse one I had since Torture Guy (my former dentist) gave me a cleaning because his hygienist was busy.

All in all, it made me very disappointed. I love my new dentist and think she is kind, considerate and treats me with respect. Up until this cleaning, all of my appointments were wonderful and I was so pleased I had switched to her from Torture Guy.

My new dental office e-mails out a survey shortly after the appointment to ask for assessment on how it went. When I received the survey, I filled it out and, in the comment box, explained how disappointed I was and what had happened.

A week or so later, the office manager for the office contacted me and said they all felt bad about what had happened to me and the dentist who is the head of the office wanted me to come in so he could try to make it better. He noticed in my record that I have a broken tooth that has a temporary filling in it and that it needs a crown. He understands that I can’t afford the crown but wanted to see the tooth to assess whether or not he could do something to make it stronger until I could afford a crown.

So on Thursday I went in to see him. I asked the receptionist how much this appointment would cost me and she said it was probably going to be $48. I said I could afford that. She then said that, depending on what he did, it could be up to $95. I said I couldn’t afford that. She said to ask the dentist when I go in the exam room to find out how much the appointment would cost me before he started.

When the dental assistant lead me back to the exam room, the dentist was right outside the exam room waiting for me. He introduced himself to me and walked me into the exam room. I settled myself in the chair and then asked him how much this would cost me. He said that he wanted to make things right by me and this appointment was free.

He examined my tooth and said that he could put some bonding on it to build it back up and fix it so food wouldn’t get caught back there anymore. I asked how much that would cost me and he said it was comped and did I have time to do the procedure right now or did I want to come back? I said I had time now.

He proceeded to fix my tooth. It now looks perfectly normal. I can very faintly see the purple temporary filling under the bonding but otherwise it looks like a normal tooth. He said that it should last for a year or so (maybe longer) and hopefully by then I can get the crown put on.

As I sat in the chair, all I kept thinking was that this was an answer to prayer. I didn’t know how I was going to afford a new crown and figured that eventually I would probably have to have the tooth pulled. Since I already had a tooth pulled right next to that one, losing another one would be obvious when I smiled. The one that I had pulled is far enough back that unless someone looks directly in my mouth and compares one side to the other, it isn’t obvious that I am missing that tooth. But to lose the one right next to it would make it look bad.

I have truly been blessed. Abundantly. My tooth is fixed, albeit temporarily. But it is fixed enough to last until I can afford a permanent crown and it didn’t cost me a thing. A true blessing!!

Tomorrow…the second blessing from last week…

Thinking about tomorrow can be a very scary prospect when one is unemployed. So, subsequently, I am doing my best not to think about the future. Actually, I do think about the future – I just am trying hard not to worry about it.

I’m a firm believer in not dwelling on the past. Can’t change the past so what is the point of spending time contemplating it. My mother used to do that on a regular basis and it used to drive me crazy. Why waste time and energy thinking about something you can’t do anything about?

I am learning to be a firm believer in not worrying about the future. I have no control of it. I can plan for it but there are so many things that can change my plans, they are more like wishes than actual plans. This was actually true even when I was fully employed. After all, I was let go from my job and I had no control over it. My future was dramatically altered despite my plans for my future.

Yup, the philosophy I am learning to develop and live by is to let go of the past, don’t worry about the future and just think about today. Actually, this is something that Jesus taught in the Bible so it isn’t exactly new. Its just that now I am consciously trying to do this on a daily basis. Not only to better myself but also to keep myself from panicking. This lack of job thing is incredibly scary.

Along these lines, there were two things this past week that showed me that I am blessed – which I will outline over the next two posts…

I just heard the best line:

“In my next life I am coming back as me because I am having a great time!”*

LOVE IT!!!

(*the owner/cook at a burger joint in California as seen on Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives on Food Network)

At the end of your life, after you have breathed your last and your soul has left your body, if you had a choice, which would you chose? Heaven or Hell?

There isn’t a choice of course. When you die, that is it. There is no choice once you are dead.

While you are alive there is a choice. You can choose to believe or you can choose not to believe.

Of course, as Christians we know there is more than just belief. There is how you believe, how you live your faith, how you treat your fellow man, and, more importantly, how you treat God. And so much more.

But some people choose the alternative. They choose not to believe. They call themselves atheists or agnostics or whatever they want to call themselves. But they choose to believe that God does not exist because for them, God does not exist. They don’t get it; either by how they were raised, by events that happened to them, by not getting the answers they think they need or by just being plain stubborn. They can’t see God, feel God and/or know God. Not that they try or maybe they did but they let things destroy their faith or they were never introduced to any kind of faith whatsoever. Either way it happens, they now, as adults, choose not to believe in God.

This is what I don’t understand. People who have been introduced to God, who have been raised in a faithful environment, but then, as adults choose not to believe. What is up with that???

The choice is this. Heaven or Hell.

What do you think about when I say “heaven”? Does anything bad or negative come to mind when you hear the word “heaven”?

For me, it is safe, calm, peaceful, beautiful, wonderful; full of love, joy, happiness, music, wonderments beyond our imaginations. It is living inside pure contentment. It is living inside pure joy. It is living inside LOVE.

How exactly is that a bad thing????

What do you think about when I say “hell”? Does anything good or positive come to mind when you hear the word “hell”?

For me it is pain, anguish and suffering; full of sorrow, sadness, darkness beyond our imaginations. It is living inside constant fear. Living inside constant despair. Living inside constant death.

How exactly is that a good thing????

So, since you have a choice in life, why would you choose hell over heaven? Why would you choose the path that guarantees you will never get to heaven? Why would you choose NOT to believe?

It seems to me the logical and sensible choice, if you want to be scientific about it, is to choose the path of life that will lead to the most wonderful ending. You should want to explore the way that will get you to spend eternity in pure love rather than pure death. You would want to do everything you can to have faith. If what you are doing now is not leading to a life of faith, you should do something else. Explore, talk to people, investigate, learn, develop…do something that will end up making you beyond belief happy in the long run.

Why, oh why, would you deliberately choose the alternative? Why would you be so cavalier about eternity? Why would you do that?

I understand questioning your faith. I understand questioning God. The world is a confusing place. There is a lot to distract you, lead you astray, and lead you down the wrong path. I have seen it. I have experienced it. Been there, done that. But through it all…all the searching for answers, searching for what I believed, searching for what my faith means….I always chose to believe. My faith was always there. I never discarded it. Because, for me, choosing the alternative is just plain foolishness.

So where are you at? Have you chosen? Which is it? Heaven or Hell?

Yes, I know….it’s been over a week since I posted in my blog. I think I am out of sync because of the whole getting up early and working out thing. I need to get in the habit of going to bed earlier so I can get a decent amount of sleep. As it is now, by about mid-afternoon, I am so tired all I want to do is take a nap. So I do. Which means that I am dragging butt the rest of the day and don’t really feel like posting in my blog. Plus it is hard to be creative when my brain isn’t functioning at full speed.

The good news is that this is the end of April and a new month is starting tomorrow. So the calendar will flip over and people won’t see that there is so many non-posting days recently. And I can work on staying more current on my writing.

Plus, I will be working on getting more sleep at night. After all, working out may just be negated by my getting only 4 to 5 hours of sleep.

Sigh…all this thinking and writing has made me tired….nap time!!!

Thoughts on a Sunday:

• Last week may have been “low” Sunday at church but we managed to overcome that by scheduling a One Service Sunday and serving a meal. Well, that worked but this week proved to be a “low” Sunday. Just not a whole lot of people at church. I’m thinking it was due to school vacation week. A number of people chose to take a vacation and go someplace since their kids were out of school for the week. I’m sure attendance will be up next week.

• My blood sugar went up. Or it went back to what it had been running at. One of the benefits of working out last week was that my blood sugar finally started approaching normal. Even the day after I started it was significantly lower. But this morning it was back up. I didn’t work out yesterday, since it was Saturday (slept in until 8:30 which felt GREAT!) and I didn’t this morning (due to church). Just missing two days of exercise caused my blood sugar to start going back up. I may have to do some sort of work out on weekends. Maybe not first thing in the morning like during the week but at some point during the day. Go for a walk somewhere either around the neighborhood or at the beach or somewhere. Wouldn’t hurt.

• I’ve been thinking about dogs lately. Not that I still don’t love my cat but he is getting older and won’t live forever. I saw the cutest puppy on the Today Show this past week and it made me think about how wonderful it would be to have a dog. I love dogs and consider myself more of a dog person than a cat person. It’s just that cats are more self sufficient and can be left alone for a day or two (or three) and as long as they have food and water and kitty litter, they are fine. A dog needs more attention. But I wouldn’t mind that. I guess I have some time to decide about it since Cupid (the cat) probably wouldn’t be thrilled to have a dog around. I would guess there would be a lot of hissing and scratching. Oh well.

I guess that is all for a Sunday night. Hope everyone had a nice weekend!!!

I have been getting up early all week this week. Did I get a job? No, I wish. Rather I have joined a gym. Planet Fitness to be exact.

In May of 2007 I joined Planet Fitness and was very committed to going five days a week. I would get up at 4:30, be at the gym by 5:00 and work out for an hour and then back home by 6:15 in order to get ready for work. I did this loyally for a year. Five days a week all year. I loved it! I loved that I was getting in better shape, I loved the cardio, the weight training, the sweating…everything. I especially loved that I did it without giving myself a heart attack.

Then my arthritis kicked in. At first I thought it was just a mild attack. I did get those on occasion but it would always go away after a few days. But my joints kept aching and hurting and swelling. For weeks. Along with that I also was very tired all the time. When my inflammation level is high, not only is it painful and my joints are swollen and difficult to move but I really don’t feel good at all.

Finally I had to give up my workouts. It was all I could do just to get out of bed in the morning and go to work. I just wasn’t able to do anything beyond that.

This attack started in May of 2008. It wasn’t until November of that year that my doctor convinced me to go on the incredibly strong medicine that would get the arthritis under control. The medicine has very serious side effects and it really scared me. But it got to the point where the arthritis was so bad that the side effects weren’t as scary anymore.

Since then I have been waiting for my inflammation levels to drop to the point where I could work out again without injuring my joints. My doctor finally told me I could start walking last fall. So I joined Planet Fitness so I could use the treadmill.

Wait…this is April. I joined last fall and I am just now going back?? Well, I just couldn’t get myself to go for a variety of reasons. I was worried about my joints hurting, giving myself a heart attack, being judged, etc. Just a whole slew of thoughts racing through my head preventing me from doing what I needed to do.

Finally this past Monday I decided to bite the bullet and just go already. I got up at 4:30, got dressed and sat around my apartment for an hour trying to convince myself to go. Then at 5;30, I decided that, since I was dressed anyway, I would at least drive over to Planet Fitness. Didn’t have to go in. Just drive over. That would be enough of a step in the right direction.

But when I arrived, there was a parking spot right in front. So I parked. And sat there staring at the building. Finally I decided that I had come this far, I might as well go in.

Once I was in the gym and on the treadmill, I remembered how much I really loved it. Moving and sweating really makes me feel alive. Vibrant. Healthy. Happy. And no one was watching me or judging me. At least not in a blatant obvious way.

So now I am back into the routine. Monday through Friday. First thing in the morning. Back at working out.

Of course my doctor has only given me permission to do the treadmill or the elliptical. No weights or anything else. After all, my inflammation levels are still not back to normal and I could injure myself. But she, my doctor, is monitoring me closely and eventually I will be able to go back to doing weight training in addition to cardio. In the mean time, it just feels good to be back.

Hopefully I will continue to feel better as time goes by. My arthritis will stay under control, I will get in shape and, thus, become healthier. So I can continue to do all that I want to do. Continue to be “Martha” when I can and “Mary” when I should (see previous post). That is my plan. God willing.

I was having a serious Mary vs. Martha moment yesterday morning.

We had our quarterly One Service Sunday at church which means that instead of two services, we only have one in order to bring the congregation together. The major disadvantage of having two services is that people are generally loyal to one service. Many people, including myself, even tend to sit in the same pew each Sunday. At least I did until I started running the power points and now I sit in the balcony. Although, technically speaking I am sitting in the same spot each Sunday but it is more out of necessity then idiosyncrasy. But I digress.

The first One Service Sunday was about a year and a half ago and it was so successful, we decided to have another one, than another one and now we are going to have them once a quarter. Yesterday was the one for the spring quarter.

One of the highlights of One Service Sunday is that we always have a meal after the service. This way people can really visit with each other as one church family. The meal yesterday was chicken ala king and it was delicious.

I’m not on the committee that runs these meals although I do help out as much as I can. I am involved in so many activities at church that it just doesn’t seem feasible for me to actually join the committee. But anytime they do anything, they know I am available to assist.

This Sunday they had more than enough people to help out with preparing the meal. I did bake the cake (see previous post) but that was all they asked me to do. I did volunteer to help when I first arrived at church but I was told I wasn’t needed. So I decided to attend Bible Class instead.

Unfortunately the Bible Class was in the fellowship hall adjacent to the kitchen where they were working on the meal. Not to mention they were setting up tables in the part of the fellowship hall where we were having the Bible Class.

This is where the Mary vs. Martha moment comes in. Do you know the story?

Jesus went to visit his friends Mary, Martha and Lazarus (the one he eventually raised from the dead – one of his very impressive miracles). Martha was hustling around preparing food for everyone while Mary sat at Jesus’ feet and listened to what he was saying. Martha noticed this and it started to bug her. At first she didn’t say anything but finally it really started to bother her. So she told Jesus that Mary should be helping her and that he needed to tell her that. Jesus told Martha that Mary had picked the right choice. That sitting and listening to him was far more important than fixing dinner.

“”Martha, dear Martha, you’re fussing far too much and getting yourself worked up over nothing. One thing only is essential, and Mary has chosen it—it’s the main course, and won’t be taken from her.” Luke 10:41-42 (The Message Bible)

Well for me, sitting at the table attending Bible Class was what Mary would have chosen. But the “Martha” in me wanted to be helping with the meal. I tried to pay attention but I kept listening to the hustling and bustling going on in the kitchen and watching the people setting up the tables and I wanted to help. But I was doing the essential thing. The important thing. The thing that will last far after the lunch was done and cleaned up.

It was a major Mary vs. Martha moment. I was really torn. The only reason I even thought of the Mary and Martha connection was because my Pastor pointed out that I could be Mary for once and not Martha when I mentioned that I wanted to be in the kitchen helping. And once he said it, I recognized the dilemma I was facing.

I value Bible Classes and Bible study. I certainly commit a great deal of my time to it. It is important to my life in many ways.

But I also enjoy helping people and serving. I am always willing to assist when I am available to do so.

I guess that is the point right there. I really wasn’t available to do so. I was doing the essential thing. The thing that would benefit me the most. I just needed to relax and accept this.

Did I? Did I relax and accept this. Somewhat. But it certainly was distracting having people work in the same place we were having class.

With this in mind, I am going to recommend that we don’t have Bible Class in the fellowship hall on One Service Sundays. It just doesn’t work…especially for those of us who have Mary vs. Martha complexes.

I was asked to bake a cake for an event at church. A cake in the shape of a cross. I was given a cake pan that makes cross shaped cakes so it isn’t like I was taking a regular cake and carving it into a cross shape. So it should be relatively easy, right?

Well, not so likely. The first time I did this I was encouraged to use a cake mix rather than my own recipe for a white cake. The person who suggested this (actually insisted on this) felt it would be less time consuming for me.

After baking the cake mix cake, I let it cool a while in the pan and then turned it out on a cooling rack and it promptly broke into three pieces. AARGH!!

I thought that I could just use frosting to put it all back together but cake mix cakes are very tender and soft. Every place I tried to put frosting just pulled up chunks of cake. I worked on it and worked on it for the longest time before I finally gave up and went to the store and bought a cake  for that event. And I vowed never to use a cake mix again!

That was a few weeks ago. Today I was working on another cross cake but this time I used my own recipe for a white cake. This cake is denser and so it holds it’s shape really well. Actually I baked the cake yesterday so it would be completely cool when I wanted to frost it.

After the cake came out of the oven and cooled for a while in the pan,  I trimmed the top (it rose too high in the pan) and then gently turned it upside down on a board to finish cooling.  It came out in one piece and looked beautiful. I tasted the part that I had trimmed off and it was moist and delicious! Success….so far.

I let the cake cool overnight and this morning set about frosting and decorating it. I used my buttercream frosting, which is an off-white color, to frost it all over. Then I used the white frosting that I had colored in three different shades to put pansies and leaves all over the cake.

I didn’t want to use the white frosting to cover the whole cake because it is made with all shortening and the shortening doesn’t do enough to cut the sweetness of the confectioners sugar. This is why the cakes that are bought at the stores are so very, very sweet. Frosting made with butter will tend to be a little more mellow rather than overwhelmingly sweet.

This is how the cake turned out:

The “Welcome!” is because the cake is in honor of the new members we are welcoming into church tomorrow.

What do you think?

I am very pleased with the results. I also realize why a large number of professional bakers use fondant to cover cakes. Fondant is a smooth dough-like sugary substance that, when covering a cake, makes it incredibly smooth. Trying to get buttercream smooth is very, very difficult. Thus, cover the cake with flowers!

I hope everyone likes it. I know it tastes good because I tasted the cake and frosting already. But I hope everyone else also finds it delicious and beautiful!

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.

The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?”

The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, fix ‘em, put ‘em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?”

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic…

“Try doing it with the engine running.”